Writing on depression, I find that I need to remind potential readers  that I am speaking from my own experience and my perspective.  The things I speak of are true for me at this time or were true for me at the time I experienced them.  As I continue to live with depression and heal, my truth is shaped by my experiences, my perspectives and my physical, emotional and spiritual growth.  So remember, these truths may not be valid for you or your loved ones.

One aspect of depression that continues to frustrate me is coping with the reactions and comments from others. Just recently I was sharing with a friend the feeling of “stasis” that I was experiencing.  If you are not familiar with it, check out my writing here.  At this stage of healing, I continue to speak out about my depression.  I talk about it with friends and family rather than keeping silent. So when they ask how I am, I answer, sharing my feelings.

One of the impacts of sharing, of talking about depression, of acknowledging depression is that people will also share their thoughts and feelings with you.  The difference is that as a person living with depression, when I share I am describing my experience.  However, their response, is describing the experience of someone not living with depression.  I have often found that response to be uninformed, not helpful and sometimes it can even make things worse.

My friend responded that I was “being negative, making myself feel sick” and I needed to have a positive attitude and get out and do something.  They said, “It’s mind over matter.”

I realize that there are people who hold that perspective on depression and mental illness.  When I hear statements like that I have a difficult time coping.  In fact, at that point I felt that I had failed to adequately communicate my current state of existence and begin to wonder if it is even possible for words to describe how I feel.  In my depression this can quickly spiral to feelings of inadequacy in knowledge, skills, and capability, ultimately leading to feeling of unworthiness.

My depression is not a “dirty little secret”.  It is a part of me and my life.  People who are a part of my life know about it and it is a part of the conversation.  When people make comments that are not helpful I am not always able to respond in the moment.  However, I will address it at some point so that we can grow and heal together.