Some days
Just the thought of breathing is too much
The only thought that keeps me going is
“Just keep breathing”
Every breath is a struggle
Accompanied by feelings of shame, guilt and worthlessness
Things I should have done,
Could have done,
Would have done
Remain undone.
The list grows longer
The load grows heavier.
Thoughts become taunts,
Tearing away at any desire
Immobilized
Fading from existence
Until darkness descends
And everything seems to stop.
I am so not feeling writing today. This happens from time to time during NaNoWriMo and sometimes I take a break, but other times I set my timer and I go to work. Through NaNoWriMo I learned that I am very capable of sitting down and pushing through a block and coming out the other side with good work. No, I am not saying that those words are the best or even something that I will keep in the end but they help to move me forward. Sometimes moving forward is all I need to develop my characters, my plot, my novel. So in November I plan to write for two hours per day. I set a schedule for myself and I sit the chair and I let the words come. If nothing comes, try again the next day and keep going until I reach 50,000 words.
November is National Novel Writing Month. If you have never heard of it, go here to check it out. I heard about NaNoWriMo a few years ago, I believe it was 2006, from some writing friends on SparkPeople . At the time, I mostly wrote poetry and considered writing a children’s book, but hadn’t really considered writing a novel. I certainly had not considered writing 50,000 words in 30 days or less, but somehow on November 9 found myself creating a profile and two days later started writing.
Somehow, I won. I met with other wrimos in my town for write-ins, joined in the forums for word wars, and had a great time of it. I met PolarBear60 who turned me on to FMWriters, which really made me look at my writing in a totally different way. Until then, I wrote for me, because I needed it, because I wanted to. I never considered sharing my writing with others. I never considered even trying to get published. But, after that first NaNoWriMo I began to change. My writing changed, both the process and the products. After that first NaNoWriMo I started to challenge myself to write more, to explore different styles, to edit my writing and to share it. This year for the first time I re-wrote one of my novels. I am now in the editing and polishing process and soon it will be in the hands of my beta readers. I have shared some of my poems on g+ and I started this blog. While writing is still something I do for me, it is more than that.
So, it’s almost November 2014 and I am considering yet another novel. Have you ever thought about writing a book? Do you keep saying that you will do it “one of these days”. Well, one of these days is just around the corner. I’ll be hanging out on g+ with other wrimos sprinting my way toward 50,000 words and another win. I would love to see you there.
Little River Canyon – AL
Breathe, plan, do 